How to find the perfect boudoir photographer
(Or… do you actually need one?)
If you’ve been searching for a boudoir photographer, you’re probably not just looking for photos. You’re probably looking for a feeling. Maybe you’re looking for ways to push yourself out of your comfort zone and get that confidence back. Maybe you’re wanting to feel desirable again. Or maybe it’s something harder to put into words.. like wanting to feel like yourself again.
Boudoir photos seem like the obvious answer - how could you not feel confident and desirable looking like you’ve been pulled from the pages of Maxim magazine? For some people though, the answer isn’t so straightforward.
Before you spend time trying to find the perfect boudoir photographer, there’s a better question to ask first:
Is boudoir actually what you’re looking for… or is it just the closest thing you’ve seen to what you really need?
What most women are actually searching for
While there are a lot of women that seek out boudoir photography specifically and know in their heart and soul that boudoir photos are exactly what they want, that’s not always the case. In my experience, most women don’t come to me saying, “I want boudoir.” They ask questions like:
“Do you do boudoir?”
“I want something a bit more… personal”
“I want to feel confident”
“I want to feel like myself”
When we start talking more about what those statements mean, the answer often becomes a lot more clear. We don’t focus so much right away on outfits and poses but instead spend more time talking about who they are, what they’ve been through, and how they want to feel when they look at their photos.
(If you’re curious what that process actually looks like, I walk through it in more detail in my post on what to expect during a portrait consultation).
Because underneath the idea of boudoir, what they’re really looking for is a feeling of worth.
This especially applies to women I’ve met in their 40s and older. A lot of us are past the point of getting fulfillment from outside attention We’re ready for something else.
The assumption about boudoir
Boudoir photography is insanely popular and thankfully more mainstream right now than it maybe ever has been. That’s a wonderful thing - people are recognizing that they want some form of self-expression and are feeling more comfortable in seeking out their options. They want to feel unstoppable, powerful, strong, worthy.
Most women believe boudoir will give them that feeling. That if they can just see themselves looking confident, sexy, or powerful in photos, something inside will shift. The beautiful thing is that it CAN shift. A boudoir session can be the thing that shifts it. It won’t necessarily be the thing for everyone, but what else is there that fills the emotional need for boudoir photography but doesn’t necessarily require quite so much vulnerability or putting your literal body on full display?
Expectation vs. Experience
I had a client recently in the studio for a Come as You Are session. (Read more about the Come as You Are concept here.)
Being in her early 40s, she had been through a series of life changes and felt disconnected from herself. An unexpected career change had her feeling unsure of who she was anymore.
We spent time talking before we ever picked up a camera about where she was, where she’d been and where she felt like she was going.
Her session was quiet, comfortable, low-pressure and full of conversation about the versions of herself that she had inhabited along the way. She felt comfortable re-examining her path, and in that process she was able to find some grace and appreciation for her journey and the woman she was becoming.
At the end of her portrait session, she told me she had done a boudoir shoot before and that she had booked it hoping it would feel more like this, that it would have made her feel the way this experience did. She wanted to feel connected to herself again, she wanted a reminder of herself.
In her case, what she was looking for was something a little different than what her specific boudoir session had given her.
What actually creates that shift
The thing that we often miss when we’re seeking out experiences to remind us of our worth is that worth comes from within.
Worth doesn’t come from a style of photography any more than it comes from any other outside force. It doesn’t come from being more exposed or more styled or more posed. It comes from seeing and knowing yourself, and allowing yourself to be seen and known by others without having to become someone else to earn it.
When you’re given space to be where you are, express who you are, and be witnessed without pressure, often things can change within you.
You can start to recognize your own value, instead of trying to prove it (I go into this a little bit in my blog Authenticity in Portraiture: How does a photoshoot actually promote self-love? if you’re interesting in learning more about that and about my Come as You Are sessions.)
So… do you need a boudoir photographer?
Maybe you do!
If you look at boudoir images and feel a clear, grounded “yes! That’s how I want to express myself”, then that’s a beautiful and valid choice.
If you want to celebrate yourself in a sensual or expressive way because it genuinely feels aligned with you (maybe not because you’re hoping it will fix how you feel) then you’ll likely have an incredible experience. Boudoir can be powerful!
There are other ways to feel seen
The sessions I offer aren’t about becoming a version of yourself, they’re about recognizing that you’re worthy in all your complexities just as you are.
I create portrait experiences for women in their 40s and beyond that are shaped around who you are and what you need - whether that’s quiet, traditional portraits or more vulnerable, intimate images.
We start with a conversation. We come to understand what’s bringing you here. Then we build the experience from that.
It’s collaborative, personal, and grounded in connection.
Because you don’t need to be more, or less, or different to be worth photographing.
How to choose the right boudoir photographer for you
If you’re considering a boudoir photoshoot or anything similar, take your time.
Look beyond the images and ask yourself:
Do I feel like I can be myself with this person?
Do they take the time to understand me?
Do I feel safe, supported, and guided?
Do they have processes in place to help me feel comfortable throughout the process?
Look through portfolios (not just social media as many boudoir style images can’t be shared there). Do a Google search to find actual webpages and photographer galleries. There are many different styles of boudoir, you should try to narrow it down to the ones that match your desired aesthetic.
Talk to a few photographers and pay attention to how you feel in those conversations. This is a vulnerable experience and the way you feel during it will shape how you feel about your images for years to come.
The last thing you want is to feel unsupported or exposed instead of safe, or to feel the images look beautiful but don’t feel like you.
Don’t be afraid to have open conversations with potential photographers about your desires and even your fears. A boudoir photoshoot can be a powerful, empowering thing, and if you take your time to find the perfect photographer for you, you’ll love the results.
If you decide you’d like to learn more about other genres of photography that can provide you with a vulnerable and empowering experience, or if what you’ve read here has resonated with you, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can book a consultation to talk through what you’re looking for and see what feels like the right fit for you.